Dear President Obama: What North Korea Might Say - Yahoo! News

By BILL POWELL Bill Powell – Tue Dec 22, 4:35 am ET

Dear President Obama,

So nice to hear from you, and let me just say that it's an honor to be pen pals with a third American President. (Your letter has joined the ones I received from Bush and Clinton in pride of place on my office bulletin board.) I know you guys all personally took the time to write me, but it's kind of funny - all your letters say more or less the same thing. Dear President Kim, before you stands a historic choice: you can either (A) join the family of nations, opening the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK) to economic benefits, new trading relationships and diplomatic recognition from Washington, or (B) you can continue down the road of isolation and penury if you continue to develop nuclear weapons.

One of my aides tells me that some psychiatrist in the West once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting to get a different result. I thought that was pretty good, though I imagine in your State Department there are some folks who probably don't get the joke. But never mind. As you guys like to say, let me cut to the chase: In response to the choices you offer me, I choose B. Isolation. Penury. And nukes. (Most of all, nukes.) (See pictures of North Korea going to the polls.)

Now I know that you think that makes me insane. After all, I run one of the most impoverished countries in the world. Here, a boom year is any one in which we manage to avoid a famine that kills thousands. But you have to understand, what I value most is control. That's what my father, our country's heroic founder, the Great Leader Kim il-Sung, desired; it's what I desire; and I've pretty much bet the family jewels that my 26-year-old son, Kim Jong-Un, will want the same thing when he takes over in a few years. Absolute, total control over pretty much everything.

I recently changed the denominations of our currency to wipe out the savings of anyone who possessed over 300,000 won (basically a few hundred of your dollars). Why did I do this? Because a lot of those people had earned that money in private markets - which the Party here didn't control - and that made us nervous. Was that beneficial for our economy? No. But it kept us in control. (See rare pictures inside North Korea.)

So, by your standards, we are not 'rational.' I mean, look, we just had a planeload of missile parts intercepted in Thailand. I think you know where that plane was headed. Why in the world would we be shipping parts for our glorious Taepodong 2 missile to Iran, when the entire world is worried about their nuclear program? Because some of my close comrades here in the Party run the trading company that sells the missiles, and the way I keep them loyal is to let them make some money.

Now don't me wrong. It's a problem that the plane was intercepted, mostly because it puts the comrades in Beijing in a difficult spot. You could lobby them for more restrictive economic sanctions against us, just as you are now doing with Iran, and they are not comfortable with either - even though they might go along, at least part ways, in order not to seem out of step with the rest of you. (Read 'U.S. Tries Direct Talks with North Korea.')

But as far as we're concerned, this will blow over. If we've learned anything over the last decade, it's that China is never really going to isolate us economically. They don't want a repeat of the starvation of the late 1990s, which flooded the northeastern part of their country with our refugees. Without Beijing's help, you're never going to muster enough economic pressure to change our ways. And my nuclear ace-in-the-hole ensures that no one will really mess with us. Why in the world would I ever give that up?

So here's what I suggest: Let's take the three steps you guys always propose in your letters - denuclearization, leading to economic benefits, leading to diplomatic recognition - and flip them: Recognize the DPRK and normalize relations first, because it should be obvious to you guys by now that our regime is not going anywhere. Then, lend us some money, build a power plant or two, maybe help us with agriculture and food production. And then, after a while - a decade, perhaps? - if enough trust has been built up, then maybe we'd start to think about getting rid of our nukes.

Maybe.

Anyway, thanks for writing, Barack. Always good to hear from you U.S. Presidents, even if you do always say the same thing.

Yours truly,

The Dear Leader

Kim Jong Il"

Uganda criticized over anti-gay proposals - CNN.com: "Uganda criticized over anti-gay proposals December 10, 2009 3:43 p.m. EST Demonstrators protest outside the Ugandan embassy in central London. Demonstrators protest outside the Ugandan embassy in central London. STORY HIGHLIGHTS * Homosexuality illegal in Uganda but lawmakers considering tougher laws * Proposals include life sentences, death penalty as punishments for gay sex * Tatchell: Proposals 'threaten civil rights of every Ugandan person -- gay or straight' London, England (CNN) -- Protesters called on the worldwide community to take action against Uganda Thursday as the African nation considers stricter laws against homosexuality. They compared Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni to some of the world's most notorious dictators. 'In the last five years we have seen Idi Amin return to Uganda and his name is Yoweri Museveni,' Ugandan human rights campaigner Michael Senyonjo told CNN. 'He... is bringing in a bill in an attempt to criminalize being gay,' the activist said. 'That is not right. We cannot allow fascism to return to Uganda. He should leave power and go because he is not taking the country anywhere but to disaster,' he added. Under proposed new laws currently being considered by the Ugandan parliament, those who test positive for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, could face the death penalty. In addition, those convicted of having gay sex would be sentenced to life in prison, while anyone found guilty of engaging in homosexual relations on more than one occasion would be executed. The proposals could become law before the end of the year. Museveni has not publicly stated his support for the bill. Homosexuality is already illegal in Uganda under laws passed in the colonial era, but the new legislation is intended to provide prosecutors with more power. It has the blessing of various religious leaders, with one leading Muslim cleric -- Sheikh Ramathan Shaban Mubajje -- calling for all known homosexuals in the country to be rounded up and left on an island until they die. Thursday's protest at the Ugandan High Commission -- or embassy -- in London is one of several planned demonstrations around the world, and OutRage, another gay rights organization, is backing the calls for action to be taken. 'President Museveni is fast becoming the Robert Mugabe of Uganda and that's a threat to the civil rights of every Ugandan person -- gay or straight,' OutRage spokesman Peter Tatchell told CNN, referring to the authoritarian president of Zimbabwe. 'There's a huge ground swell of public opinion that this bill goes way too far. Even people who say they're against homosexuality say this bill is excessive and a threat to the human rights of all Ugandans. 'Uganda should drop this law and abide by international human rights legislation,' Tatchell said."